| So... it's been a long time, eh? In searching for words to begin to fill this blank text box, I'm always puzzled, and never can quite figure out what voice in which to write. If this were my journal, there'd be no thought to it, I would simply write. But here, I can immagine a handful of individuals who may likely read the words I am about to write. Am I to write to them? Or shall I simply write as if to the general literate population of the world, to whom I am publicizing this post, although I doubt if any of them will read it at all... Or perhaps I should just pretend this were my leatherbound and pen whatever pops into my head. This is the madness that goes through my head upon seeing this blank text box. But it isn't so blank any more. So, I suppose we can move on.
This isn't my first attempt to break the silence of my blog that has endured for so long. A few days ago, I wrote about half a post, but then decided I didn't like it at all and bulldozed the whole thing. It was about movies though, and I find the topic fitting since I just finished one not half an hour ago. Have you ever, and maybe this is just me and I'm crazy or something, but have you ever been seriously, spiritually bugged after watching a movie--that is, one with a happy ending? I couldn't understand it at first, I mean, everything worked out: the day was saved, all the drama was resolved, the villain was punished, the hero escaped and won the heart of the girl and everyone was happy and there was closure and the credits rolled and the audience got up and returned to their lives with smiles on their faces. What is there to be sad about? Then again, perhaps you've never experienced this and you're all scratching your heads right now thinking what could be wrong with me. Still, I think we, or at least I... No, I'm going to throw you in the boat with me on this one: I believe we compare the movies we watch to our own lives, and oftentimes it urks us. Because, well, it all worked out peachy for the hero, but what about me, we think. And it's all because of that blasted happy ending that keeps illuding us. Will it ever come? The answer, deep down, that I think all of us know is... No. At least, not where we're seeking it. Lewis said that every man is born with a heaven-sized hole in his heart. At least, I think Lewis said that. To be honest I could be making it up, but someone said it, and it's true. We have this happiness that we're trying to achieve... we know how it feels even though we've never really felt it... and this gap we're trying to fill, but nothing we try ever seems to live up to our expectations, if it even works out the way we hope at all. And it's hard, because we keep trying to match up our lives with the movies that we watch. Not even specificly, but situationally... like, "hey, if this happened, it would be just like in the movies... wouldn't that be wonderful?" But you know, it doesn't. And we start to think maybe we'd like to replace God with a Hollywood director. And yet, if things did go just like the movies, we still wouldn't really be happy. Just look at the concept of "happily ever after." They put that there, in those lovely romanticized stories we've heard since we were kids, to end it on a high note. If the story continued, you would see the epic hero, there in his cozy cottage in the mountains with his beautiful wife and his epic children, go through his mid-life crisis. He would go bald, blow all his money on some sports car or motorcycle, which in turn would piss off his wife, and he would find someone else, and his posterity would need therapy to recover from it all. If nothing else, he would at least get bored, or suffer some hardship at some point. He would not stay happy forever. Don't believe me? Look at any Disney sequel. They all suck. Kinda makes you wish they would've left it at "happily ever after," doesn't it?
It was at this point last time, I believe, that I read over what I had written so far and thought, "Ry, you cinic! What a load of crap you don't believe! I mean come on, you're a hopeless romantic if there ever was one! How can you write such bologna?" (And yes, I had to sing the Oscar Mayer song to remember how to spell that, what of it?) Well, it's true that nothing in this world will ever fill that hole. And it's true that God will never give us something that we'll love more than Him. But it's also true that we have a Father who delights in lavishing good things on us, moreso than any eartly dad. And all he asks is that we seek first his kingdom, and let him worry about our hearts' desires. Granted, that's probably the hardest thing in the world to do, but we have all of this life to practice at it. Our happily ever after is here and now. It is ready for the taking. We have the freedom in Christ to be continually content no matter what our situation. Paul said that, I'm sure of it. We don't need the house in the hills, the perfect wife, the epic children, the expensive sports car... we have Jesus. So what if the world hates you, the almighty Creator of the universe is in love with you!
I need to write something uplifting like that every once in awhile, even at 3 in the morning, because I oftentimes find it very hard to believe. I've been thinking, though. People make the best of all kinds of situations, all over the world. People make the best of jobs that they hate, when they can't afford to chase their dreams because they have to feed their families. People make the best of arranged marriages to people they don't love at all. People make the best of terrible and abusive family situations. People have even made the best of concentration camps, and books have been written about them. I can make the best out of engineering school. And I may just find a love for the thing I hate, after all.
A really wise person once said to me, "Christians aren't called to merely survive. No, we don't just survive--we thrive." I leave for State in the morning. |
